One thing I think about all the time is my sister Kayla. I miss her more than anything in life. I miss having her here to joke around with, go to family events with, long car rides with music and us all just having great times, making memories. I miss that the words you wish you could say only get to say to yourself in your own head. I hate that I never got to make a better situation out of things before I saw you go to the hospital. I hate that the only things I have in life to remind me of her are the mustang and a tattoo on my arm.
Seeing your own sister die / hooked up to machines to keep her alive is something I hope no one ever has to go through. I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room for 3 days not knowing what the outcome was. I remember getting to come in and see you in the hospital bed, with a breathing machine keeping you alive, and me just keeping in my own tears trying to stay strong and try to think of what to say to you. I never did say anything, I was speechless. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I wish I could take back everything that had happened, I wish I could have been a better brother to you. Being in the hospital not knowing what was going to happen was horrible. I saw my own family in complete horror, distress, and sadness wanting to know what was going to happen, all worried. I hate that nothing could be done, and that you had to die of a virus that is pretty much unable to be cured. I cant believe everything happened so quickly, just overnight.
Those three days sitting there seemed like a life time; something I will never forget. I remember sitting in the stairways calling my best friend with the news of what was going on and that we didn’t know if you were going to make it. I remember that he told me he wishes the best and to keep my head up, as he had to hang up the phone cause he broke down in tears as well.
The moment that we got told you were not going to make it, my heart stopped. I could not believe what I was hearing, someone so close to me was going to pass away at such a young age. You had so much potential and such a loving heart. I am sorry more of the world was unable to see and get to know you.
I guess if I had anything to say, is I miss you, I love you, and I wish you were here to be with the family. Life is not the same without you. I think about you every day. I know mom misses you, dad misses you, hell everyone misses you. You are thought about every day.
To this day, when I go up to your grave, I break down. I even took josh up there a while ago, even he did the same. As much as I hate going to visit because I wish it wasn’t true, I love visiting at the same time. I love being able to just go sit there, think about the memories we shared, and just have some alone time. As much as I miss you, I am glad I have you looking over us. I love you Kayla!